IN THIS ISSUE:

Are You Assertive Enough?

A lot of people confuse being assertive with being aggressive. But the truth is that assertiveness and aggressiveness are completely different behaviors.

If you're being assertive, you're usually just standing up for yourself, expressing your point of view, tackling difficult issues or perhaps stopping other people from taking advantage of you. On the other hand, if you're being aggressive you're most likely being bossy or overbearing. That's a big difference.

Whether you're at the workplace, at home, or out in public, you always want to express yourself in a positive and assertive manner. However, this is often easier said than done. You may not be assertive enough if you experience any of the following:

• You often feel that your opinions go unheard
• You have a problem saying no to others
• After a conversation or confrontation, you feel that you should have expressed yourself more clearly
• You find it difficult to set limits with others

Don't get down on yourself if the above items ring true. And definitely don't go to the other side of the spectrum by being overly aggressive. If you want to be more assertive you simply have to work at it. Here is a three-step plan:

1. Replay the situation(s). Think about the times when you were too passive. Replay those scenarios in your mind, and instead of thinking about what you didn't say, imagine what you really should have said. This will help prepare you the next time a similar situation arises.

2. Rehearse your rebuttals. Many people aren't assertive enough because they're afraid of how people may perceive them when they express their opinions. So, when you're going over the scenarios in step one, think about how the other person may react and what he/she might say when you speak. Preparing such responses will help you feel more confident when you speak.

3. Keep things positive. You're not going to help yourself by being rude or telling a person off. Remember, you want to express yourself in a positive way. Get a friend or someone you trust to prac­tice mock conversations with. Ask them to give you honest feedback, and make sure they let you know if you begin to get too negative.

The plan above will greatly help you become more assertive. But, don't be too hard on yourself if you don't get everything just right right away. You will need time and practice to develop the steady skills that will carry you through difficult situations.

"To be a leader you must feel that you are both everything and noth­ing: nothing in that you are on this earth for a few years out of bil­lions--everything, because you are the center of all activity in your world."
--Edith Weiner